Super Woman

Super Woman?

I have always tried to be every where, do everything and handle all that has been put on my plate.  Well, I guess you can say that this past week I have learned that I am NOT Super Woman!  Not even close.

In the mom's and nurses that I have talked to it is not uncommon to have a feeling of disappointment about yourself and what you can and can't do.  The  advice is just to take things day by day and make no big drastic changes right away.  Let things settle...Let things sink in.

Today, we went to the clinic again.  This is a special unit of the hospital for pediatric cancer patients only. A place where a lot of the treatment procedures can take place without being admitted fully to the hospital. That is nice option because even after a few weeks in the hospital Kagan was tired of being there.   In this portion of the hospital though you see small children all with an adorable bald head fighting for the lives.  Children on walkers because their bones are so dense, children carrying buckets with them every step because they are not sure when they will get ill, or pre-teen kids snuggled in a blanket with their moms because it is just one of those days.   

It is there I was reminded of a better kind of woman - a loving mom!

I was thankful that today Kagan was having a good day.  We got to play on the old timey Pizza Hut table version of Mrs. PacMan, Centipede and Gallaga(?).  (I should point out that his mom kicked his butt on these old 80's games!  He may have the whole PS3 thing down but don't mess with us old folks on arcade games!)  

After being schooled,  then Kagan got his injections so that he can be ready for Day 8 and the next round of Chemo treatment that he is getting tomorrow.  Will it be a good day or a bad day?  Will his hair start to fall out yet (they said between day 7-10)?  Will his blood counts be good?   

No, this Super Woman has found her kryptonite.   My child being sick brings me to a halting stop on all those so other things - important or not. 

I still feel guilty that I had to just pick up a leave my boss with the office to handle.  I am sure that he and the staff will do great but I am the one that is suppose to be there taking care of everything and preventing the stress from happening.  A few years ago he just kinda dropped everything and said here, handle it.  I did.  But now he is having to learn my ways and I know this is frustrating.  I don't want to let him down.  I also never want to let my clients down who trusted me enough to let us handle their problem.  I am who they call when they are worried, when they are stressed or when they want answers.  Now - I am not there for this point in time.

The kids are taking final exams.  In reality, I would be hounding them to study and do all that they could to bring up their grade.

Typically, I would be stressing over the social lives of my kids.  Cheer, football, youth events, friend's parties, etc.   

On the average day, I would be grouchy at my kids if they did not get their chores done.   I would be beside myself when I come home to dirty laundry, dirty dishes...

I would be balancing paying bills, grocery shopping, cooking (well, picking up food from restaurants and bringing it home to have a hot meal), my activities, my volunteering here and there, my date nights with Kaleb, my.... my...., my....!  (Ouch, that is a lot of my's there)

This mediocre mom is now just focusing on the priorities that make my family run.  Taking care of Kagan, caring for Kade & Kenadee and loving my husband.  Everything else will work itself out, show it's value and prove itself worthy or not.   I have to believe that God would not allow the testing if he wasn't preparing our family for something much bigger than we can see today.

Lastly, I guess I should confess that I am still getting other things done.  Doctors, insurance, family updates, I even pumped my own gas yesterday!  Kagan took a picture and sent it his dad.  They swore he photo shopped the photo.  Funny boys!