Birthday Boy!

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Today is a day that I am full of emotions that I am attempting to put into words.   We celebrated Kagan's 16 birthday today and my heart is overflowing with words and emotions but my mind can't seem to make a coherent statement on this page.

Turning 16 is a milestone in everyone's life. I remember turning 16 like it was yesterday. It is when you know that adulthood is right around the corner because it is the next big milestone ahead.   This caused a few tears for me today but also a few big smiles thinking about all that Kagan has ahead of him.

We discovered today the interesting facts of things that happened on August 15th!  The start of Woodstock, the discovery that there was a solar system other than ours, the release of the Crisco by Proctor and Gamble and the dentist chair.    Yet, I know that on August 15th that the birth of Kagan Ray Moss was a blessing beyond all discoveries of that day.

We did not get Kagan a car.  It was a very (VERY) hard decision not to.  There are several reasons why we didn't but mainly it would have been irresponsible of us to go into any debt when the future still holds a lot of unknowns.   (This is me being very reasonable and mature and I hate it.) The only comfort is that he will not actually have a driver's licenses for another month and for the foreseeable future he will not be out driving without me anyways. 

So it is something he can look forward to in the future.

These little things are the hardest part for me.  Was getting Kagan car really that important?  No, it was not.  It is lavish and not a necessary at this point.  It is just one of those things that cancer stopped and I get really angry when those things come up.  

I also was tearful that when we woke up that stupid culprit decided to grow from a jelly bean back into a large shooter marble!   There is some other areas that seem to be swelling on the neck but we will hold our breath and wait until tomorrow to see what is up with that when go to the doctor.

So for Kagan's birthday here are my 16 thoughts for you.

1.  Kagan, I wish that the rest of your life from 16 forward is lived with the knowledge that life is precious. Unwrap the gift of each day full of expectation of joy, laughter and contentment.

2.  Always know that YOU are worthy for EVERYTHING that your heart desires.  I know this is true because your heart is pure and good and therefore all things that you heart is set on is within your reach.

3.  Begin each day with prayer and end each day with prayer.  Surrender the day to what God will bring and then each night thank Him for what He did. 

4.  Know that true love is never created.  It is found and then nurtured to blossom into what it will be.

5.  Never be afraid to fight for what is right.   You will feel it in the depths of yourself and when you know it right you will never regret the bruises or pain it brings.

6.  Aspire to be anything you want.   Don't put a boundary on your dreams for your future for it is yours to live.

7.  Don't ever live in fear!   If you can be afraid of it then you can also conquer it.

8.  Build bonds with your brother and sister every day because there will be one day when they will be the only ones who can understand exactly where you have come from.

9.  Fill your life full of people but make sure that your most in depth thoughts and personal life are shared only with a few precious ones. 

10.   It is your story to tell but you get to tell it when you are ready.  No a second more or less.  Never feel ashamed to say when is the right time.

11.  Know that cancer may have stolen this summer but Chemo gifted you being able to have many more.

12.  For every negative you have make sure that you think of five positives. 

13.  SMILE! 

14.  Dig into God's word.  Listen to wise teachers, us, pastors but know that God has written the word for YOU and there are treasures within the pages that only you can find.  It is not a text book.  It is God's love letter to you.

15.  Give people a chance to know the real you.  You might be surprised who they turn out to be when you give them an opportunity to show their real selves to you.

16.  You are loved and cherished.  I am sorry for the times I am wrong or when I don't know what to do.  I am sorry when you deserve more than I can be.  Yet, I can promise you that everyday in the past and each day in the future I will continue to strive to be the best mom you can have.  When you need me, I will be there.     For today I have to be your mom but I can't wait for the days to be your friend too!