Crossroads

Just a few months ago it seemed that our family had it together!

We were beginning to see the glimpses of the life that we had always worked towards.  Our kids were happy, our marriage was strong, our faith was unyielding and professionally Kaleb and I both were flourishing.  We were getting closer and closer to making some giant leaps within our family.  

The daily talk in our home was about the future of Kaleb's new venture, travels abroad and within the US, cheerleading, football, school, colleges and cars!   Our late night conversations were about dreams and desires for the future and rarely about the day to day of life.


Things Change....

The daily talk is no longer about the same things. The planning is more about the present rather than the desires of our dreams.  The reality of the daily to-do's and priorities become the focus point of what time Kaleb and I have together. Unfortunately, our kids are even forced to be a part of this "reality" even though Kaleb and I try to not have them be.

Things Get Worse....

I am not certain if I am ready to share some of what is heavy on my heart.  Actually, I am quite assured that my feelings on some things aren't even known by me now.  There are some hurts that are so deep that I am not even ready to begin to do anything more than bandage the wound. 

Things Get Better...

There are some amazing people that have we have been blessed to be encouraged by and loved by that I am not sure that we would ever known if it were not for this journey. 

There are feelings that I have towards Kaleb that I never had in the same way.  He has become the only other person in the world who can feel exactly what I feel.  His hurts are my hurts.  My heart is even more a haven for his pains and his for mine. 


Whatever Happens....

I am not sure where we go from here.   Even once Kagan beats this thing there are changes that have been made from choices made.  There are differences that will always exist from this point forward.  Many changes will be positive for us and there are some that will ultimately be negative.    It is just the juggling of what is worthy and what is not.

I feel like I have come to a crossroads.   From this point, I have known a knew reality.  Life can't just happen from this point.    We must live intentionally and full of heart.     It is certainly a change for the better at such a high cost to learn.