The Anticipaton

The anticipation is almost unbearable when it comes to learning what is happening with your child.  Each nurse that we have had, even though so caring, had a look of concern that mom's give one another.  Basically saying "I am so sorry, but oh how glad I am this is not my child".

In my last post I just left it with the diagnosis, because after that diagnosis there is little left to say.  So much more happened in between in which I will go back and talk about another day.

Once you have the diagnosis, which you kinda already have a gut feeling about, now you go into hyper drive of information overload.  I consumed every website, blog, book, or pamphlet the hospital had trying to learn about what I could be doing to make this easier for Kagan.

You find something that you can do to help --- change the sheets on the bed, go get your child food, play games, clean up the room, update family and walk over about every minute your teenage son will let you and give him a kiss.  There is so little you can prepare him for because you have not walked in his shoes.

I don't know a way to describe the feelings of being a parent in this situation.  

So today, on day 8 of being in the hospital we are patiently waiting to start chemo.  They expected us to start at 9pm but the urine test they had to take showed we needed a little more hydration.   So the IV pump continues and we await the chemo that has now been "delivered to the floor".

Nervously sitting and waiting for the journey to begin.  Praying the medicine will work but praying for now bad side effects.   Our son, a little nervous himself, just trusting in the Lord for strength.  Little else matters in the world at this moment.....Just make my babv better.